it never changes. i just keep getting busier.

next week, i'll be flying to hangzhou for work. i used to think i'd be extremely excited if i get to go out of singapore for work cause 1) i love travelling, 2) i'll be going out for free, 3) i may even get paid extra while im there, 4) i can do some personal shopping, and probably the most important, 5) it silently means the bosses have faith in your abilities to carry out work on your own. but somehow, this time. im not very excited. in fact, i really wished i didnt have to go. but i do, and its work, so ive been telling myself again and again that ive to be professional, go over and get the job done. i guess the main reasons why im dreading this is cause im not confident i can do a good job. the bosses are calling this a 'make it or break it' deal, which seriously adds to the pressure. im worried that the kids dont like the lessons ive planned. im worried that the teachers ask funny questions i cant handle and i have totally no idea how to get out of awkward situations. im worried that i get the writer's block, but in this case, the teacher's block. im worried that whatever ive planned might no go smoothly. im worried that i planned work that's either too simple or too difficult and i dont know how to carry lessons on. im worried about a hundred and one things, and i cannot assure myself on any single one. plus, i know the weather's going to be horrible. it's going to be snowing and the last time i went to somewhere that snowed was 12 years ago in tokyo. i hope i dont get sick and cant do the job well. 

i just feel like hiding away.