shifted.

amesther.wordpress

ive been feeling a little confused recently. im not sure if what im thinking is right, or wrong. im not sure if i should be thinking about this. but anyway, im quite thankful that there's someone in school who really cares about how i feel and is always around to cheer me up when im sensing a tinge of unhappiness. thanks d. yet, i still think about it more often than i should. this is a really risky border that im trying very hard to not cross. cause if i do, its going to be disastrous. rationally, i should keep everything as status quo, but there's this tugging in my heart. this tugging that im not sure is going to work out. nevertheless, i keep myself sane, and tell myself to stay focused on my work and nothing else. and d is cute cause she sent pictures of herself to keep me from thinking about things that will not happen and to think about her. haha. loves!

i just realised something today. this is quite cool. google often changes its banner and its search engine page. so when the pacman one came, i just thought it was another random design the graphic people thought of. but then, i realised this little 'insert coin' button at where the 'im feeling lucky' used to be. so i clicked on it, hoping its not something like what they always pull off on april fool's. then, i could play pacman on the header itself! try it. im not kidding. this is really, quite innovative.

ive been thinking about friendship a lot. i used to think that good friends will always be there, no matter how much effort you put into maintaining the relationship. but i realised i was wrong. i lost a group of really good people because i thought of it that way in the past. friends are there because we lean on each other, and help each other go through difficult times. and true friendship can only be when it goes through trials. i guess that the relationships can only be maintained if everyone puts in similar amount of time, and effort into keeping it alive. which is why im trying my best to stay in contact with the current group of friends. cause i know how bad it gets to lose your best friends, and i dont want that to happen to us.

so i planned a gathering, and i had to fall sick. dang.

i probably should be asleep now, right this moment. but i want to take some time off the fast-paced weekend and just reflect on what happened last week.

i guess many choices we make throughout our lives are based on what we call, morals. or some like to call, ethics. yet, there's no clear black/white differentiation. more often than not, its the grey part that is debated upon. recently, someone i know of crossed this ethical line. it makes me wonder whether there are things that, once you start doing and keep doing it for a long time, that you forget what the goal is. i keep asking myself if we're doing something just because it needs to be done, or if we're doing it because it will make a difference to somebody. not everybody, but at least, one somebody. back to that person i was talking about. its probably a kind gesture, or maybe, it could be done with ill intention. certainly i not want it to be the latter. but after so long, i hope everyone, no matter what is done, can take a moment before doing it, to reflect and ponder over what you're about to do and ask yourself, "is this right?"